Eliot Watches Twilight
by serenelystrange
Summary: Do you really need more than the title? Lol. This might be slightly cracky. This falls somewhere in whats apparently becoming the Eliot & Kara series that I never intended to write. But its existing, for better or worse, lol.


A/N – So this one is set during the series, but at the very beginning. Like… maybe within the first three episodes or so. Because that is when Twilight came out. I hereby apologize to anybody who really truly loves Twilight without any irony. Don't get me wrong, I mock it, but I love it too. But anyway, hope you like.

* * *

Eliot is surprised, to say the least, when Kara announces that they're going out for once instead of spending the night testing the strength of various flat surfaces in his apartment. He's not used to seeing outside of his apartment, never mind outside in the real world.

"You want to go to the movies? Like, sit in a dark theater with a bunch of kids eating too much junk food and making out? Seriously?" He quirks and eyebrow and waits.

Kara smiles and gives him the full effect of her violet eyes as she bats her eyelashes. Actually bats her fucking eyelashes, and Eliot's damned if it doesn't work. "It'll be fun, I promise. I won't even eat anyone tonight."

"Fine," Eliot sighs, resigning himself, "Let's go to the movies. What are we seeing?"

Her answering grin is devious, "Just wait."

Eliot groans. Somehow, he doesn't see how this can possibly end well.

* * *

The first thing Eliot notices when they reach the theater is the insane amount of preteen girls crowding the lobby. It takes him a minute to realize they seem to be split into two distinct groups, half with t-shirts adoring Team Edward and the other half displaying Team Jacob. He just shakes his head at whatever fuckery is passing for popular fads these days and tugs Kara a little closer to him. Young girls in large quantities are enough to make anyone nervous. He has no shame in admitting his wariness.

The second thing Eliot notices doesn't surprise him nearly as much. He feels the stares from around the room, and he knows it can't be helped. Kara attracts attention whether she tries or not, and he just happens to be in her orbit at the moment. Still, that doesn't stop him from glaring at the teenage boys who stare blatantly at his date, and winking at the women who stare in awe and jealousy. He saves his special grin for the women who give him that nod of approval as their eyes rake down Kara's body, one even gives him a discreet thumbs up. If Kara notices any of this, she says nothing. Instead she glides to the counter and picks up the tickets before Eliot can even offer to buy them and is back at his side even faster.

"You prepaid for the tickets?" Eliot asks.

"It was the only way to ensure we didn't get stuck in the front," Kara replies, as if it's obvious.

"How did you even…" Eliot begins, but Kara interrupts.

"It's called Fandango," she explains, pointing to a poster on the wall, "You buy the tickets online and pick them up. You should know about this. You are the human after all."

Eliot just stares, "I… I've been a little busy lately."

Kara loops her arms around his waist, pulling him flush against her as she nips lightly at his neck. "I've noticed. This new team of yours is good for you."

"For now," Eliot agrees, "However long it lasts."

"So cynical," Kara chuckles, before continuing her nipping at the other side of his neck. "You ever let that pretty little blonde into your bed, baby?"

"Hmm?" Eliot's only half listening, trying not to let her affect him too much. They are in public after all.

"The blonde?" Kara continues, slipping her fingers beneath his shirt to skim at the heated skin of his back. "Likes to jump off buildings? Ever let her climb through your window at night?"

His eyes finally clear enough to snap back to attention and the words being directed to him.

"Parker?" he manages to reply without laughing outright, but just barely. "No. God, no. That girl is all sorts of crazy."

"And this isn't?" Kara asks, flashing a hint of her fangs at him in a dazzling smile.

Eliot pauses to honestly consider, before giving her an almost equally dazzling grin. "This," he gestures within the small space between them, "Is the sanest part of my life."

Kara rolls her eyes but smiles anyway. "I wouldn't mind, you know," she teases as they walk towards the theater, "Sharing with her once in a while. She looks good enough to eat," she pauses, "and drink."

Eliot doesn't even stop walking as he responds, "You are a wicked woman."

"Yes," Kara replies, "But not until later. Movies now."

Eliot decides that the thoughts of blonde and black hair mingling together around him, of three sweat soaked bodies writhing around his spacious bed, are due to Kara and her evil mind, and nothing else. Parker might be crazy, but she was also gorgeous. A little harmless fantasy wasn't going to hurt anyone. Shaking his head of the thoughts, he follows Kara into the theater as they finally take their seats.

* * *

"What's this movie even about?" Eliot whispers to Kara as it starts up. The screen pans to an average looking teenage girl with long brown hair, and the audience murmurs excitedly. Eliot finally notices that at least 70% of the other viewers are under the age of sixteen.

"Kara?" he asks again, growing fidgety.

"Shhh," she replies, staring pointedly at the screen, "It will be worth it."

"I doubt that," Eliot mutters, but settles in to watch anyway. A moment later, Kara slips her hand into his, and the small gesture makes him smile, even if he's still annoyed. For all her years and experiences, she was still sometimes such a _girl_. He finds it oddly endearing.

* * *

Eliot is trying to like the movie. Honestly he is, but it's proving difficult. First of all, the main girl with the long dark hair has an annoying way of biting her lip in every other scene, and it's distracting. And not in a good way. Secondly, the main guy, who Eliot guesses is Edward by the excited squeals from the teenagers before he can even speak on screen, is just plain awkward. And apparently an asshole, if his behavior in Biology class is an indication.

Eliot sighs as he realizes that he's paying enough attention to realize what subject the characters were in. He laughs briefly as the main characters walk down the hall clutching the awarded "golden onion," but stops abruptly as Kara casts him an amused glance. There's no way he'll admit to enjoying any part of this. At least not until much later. She just laughs and squeezes his hand before turning her attention back to the screen.

A while later, he feels Kara tense slightly beside him as the tall awkward guy leads the annoying brunette into the forest. Which is just dumb, Eliot rants to himself. Obviously, there's something not quite right with this guy. He's got creepy color changing eyes and super strength and god knows what else, and the tiny girl is following him into a secluded forest. Stupid move, if they ask him. Which they don't, of course. But still.

"_Vampire_."

The word draws Eliot's attention back to the present, and everything clicks into place. Edward is a vampire, the annoying brunette is human. And they're in love. At least, that's what he assumes. It is a teen movie, after all. He turns to look at Kara, and even in the dim light he can see the excitement on her face, and he finally realizes why she wanted to bring him to this so badly. She knows the movie is awful. She loves it.

"See?" she whispers in a way that shoots down his spine, "Fun."

And Eliot can't help but agree.

* * *

"What's with the blonde guy?" Eliot asks quietly some time later, "He looks constipated."

Kara snorts in surprise, "That's Jasper. He's just trying not to eat her. Pay attention."

******************

When Edward sparkles like a pretty pretty princess, Eliot can't help the loud laughter that shakes from his chest. He's relived that Kara and many others are having similar reactions, even if the little girls are in a tizzy over it.

* * *

Of course it all goes to hell. It is a movie. Eliot watches with actual interest as Bella and crew flee from the shirtless douchebag with the ponytail. He finds himself muttering along with the rest of the audience as Bella runs off, straight into the trap. He cringes when the poor girl's leg is snapped and she cries out in pain. He's felt that pain. She's not overselling the scream.

The big battle is theatric but kind of lame, in Eliot's opinion. Although he enjoyed the glee on the characters faces as they danced around the burning body.

And then Bella is dying on the floor, and Edward has to suck out the poison or let her turn into a vampire, and he can't do it. Eliot wonders briefly why the doctor doesn't just do it, but decides that would be too easy.

Kara moans quietly beside him as Edward struggles not to drink too much, and Eliot can't help but chuckle. He doesn't need vampire senses to tell the movie is turning her on. He plans to take full advantage of that later.

* * *

Bella looks frail and scared in the hospital bed, and Eliot grudgingly admits to himself that she's not all _that _annoying. Sure, her panicked gasping and stuttering when Edward talks about leaving is a little much, but he can't help but feel bad for her.

The last scene of the movie plays out and Eliot can't help but notice that Bella looks beautiful. He immediately feels like a dirty old man, and Kara can tell, if her giggling is any indication. The main characters have their slow dance and the screen pans to the evil redhead from earlier, pulling her hair down with finesse as the credits play.

"That's it?!" Eliot says before he can stop himself, which just causes Kara to dissolve into giggles again.

* * *

"Ok," Eliot says later, much later, as they're splayed across his bed, finally still. "There are four books?"

"Yes," Kara replies, stretching languidly.

"And they actually got someone to commit to making them into movies?"

"Yes," she repeats, moving to trace her fingers down the chiseled pane of his stomach.

"Why?" Eliot groans.

"Oh, admit it," Kara teases, "You liked it."

"Never," Eliot maintains firmly, brow set determinedly.

They lay for a few moments silently, enjoying the quiet.

"You don't sparkle, do you?" Eliot can't help but ask, tongue firmly in cheek.

Kara responds by swatting at his thigh half heartedly as she laughs.

"That wasn't a no," he says, grinning still.

"I do not sparkle!" Kara insists, sitting up and pulling her dress over her head. "And I won't burn in the sunlight either, just so you know."

Eliot pouts up at her. "Why is there clothing? I thought we agreed on no clothing."

Kara just rolls her eyes, "I'm going to get you something to eat," she traces her fingers down the pale skin of his face, "I took too much tonight."

"I can do that," Eliot insists, sitting up but quickly falling back down as the dizziness hits. "On the other hand…" he trails.

"Just be quiet and enjoy the room service," Kara sticks her tongue out at him playfully.

"Room service, huh?" Eliot grins, sitting up slowly against the headboard. "Is this full service? Do you have a uniform? Maybe one of those little…"

He's cut off by the pillow tossed at his head. He wonders how she even grabbed a pillow before he noticed, but isn't surprised. Instead, he laughs and lets her go off and cook.

* * *

The next morning, Eliot wakes to find Kara still there, which is somewhat surprising. She doesn't usually stick around, even if she always comes back.

His phone buzzes loudly on the dresser and he snatches it up quickly, settling back on the bed to talk. Kara doesn't stir.

"Yeah?" he greets.

Nate rambles on the other end of the line, but Eliot's only half listening. When the pause in the words comes, he responds with "see you in an hour", hoping it's what Nate was expecting to hear. Apparently it does the trick and Nate disconnects, leaving Eliot to his watching.

He knows she's awake, even if she hasn't moved. It's not like she breathes to begin with.

"You ever notice how, no matter what we do, we always end up in bed?" he asks, smirking slightly.

Kara smiles sleepily, "I didn't hear any complaints last night."

"Definitely wasn't complaining," Eliot responds, running his fingers through her hair. She leans into the touch, not entirely unlike a cat.

Kara opens her eyes and looks up at Eliot, the man who has somehow become hers, even if they don't define themselves.

"You're beautiful," she says to him earnestly, moving at her unnatural speed to sit up beside him, leaning her head onto his shoulder.

Eliot kisses her brow briefly, "Isn't that my line?" he asks.

"Everybody knows that _I'm_ beautiful," Kara replies, but she says it in a way that he's sure she doesn't actually believe it. But it's a fight for another day.

It's silent for a moment before Kara speaks suddenly.

"I don't care if there are other girls."

The statement comes out of nowhere, surprising Eliot. He just looks at her with a questioning expression.

"I mean," Kara explains, "I don't care who you have sex with. Just in case you wondered. I know it's just sex. But…"

"But what?" Eliot demands, not entirely sure how he's supposed to be feeling. Currently it's verging on anger.

"But… if you ever fall in love, you have to let me know." Kara finishes, and he can tell that she's serious.

Eliot looks at her, really looks at her, and wonders if he's not already in love. But he can't think like that, wont ruin what they have going on, however unconventional it is.

"Promise me," Kara insists, "And I swear that whoever she is, I won't kill her. Unless she hurts you."

Eliot laughs weakly, but responds anyway, "I promise."

Kara smiles brightly, "Good. Now, go to work. I'm going back to sleep."

* * *

Eliot comes in from his shower to get dressed, toweling his hair in the process. He tosses the towel into the hamper before dressing. Kara's dead to the world, in more way than one, and he can't resist. Silently, he pulls back the curtain just enough to beam sunlight onto her exposed legs. He knows it's silly, but he's still a little disappointed when she doesn't sparkle. It would have been cool.

He halfway to the door when he hears Kara's stifled laughter, followed by her quiet, "Told you."

Eliot just laughs and heads out. Lord knows what craziness Nate's stirred up for them this time.

* * *

The End


End file.
